Raising Confident Kids

Raising Confident Kids

Confidence Is a Funny Thing…

Confidence is a funny thing.

We all know how important it is, and we all want it...for ourselves and for our kids.

Mostly because we love them… and we know what it feels like not to have it.

That feeling of second-guessing yourself.
Not knowing what to do.
Feeling unsure, uncomfortable, maybe even stuck.

It’s kind of awful.

And at the same time..we know how capable our kids are.
We see their potential so clearly.
We want them to show up in the world the way we see them.

Confident. Capable. Secure.

Because we also know what it feels like to feel confident…
and it feels safer, lets be honest...it just FEELS better!

So naturally, as a good parent would....we try to create that for them.

We create situations where they will feel that way.
We create time with us where they will feel that way.
We create environments that will feel that way.

We remove obstacles.
We smooth things over.
We anticipate needs before they even have to ask.

Out of love...we make life feel easier.

But here’s the part that’s harder to see…

Sometimes, in our effort to help our kids feel confident, we accidentally take away the experiences that actually build confidence.

Because confidence doesn’t come from things always going smoothly.

It comes from:

• Trying something and not getting it right the first time
• Feeling frustrated and figuring out what to do next
• Making a mistake and recovering
• Sitting in discomfort and realizing… “I can handle this”

When we jump in quickly to fix, rescue, or prevent those moments, we send a subtle message:

“Hard feelings aren’t safe.”
“You can’t handle this yet.”
“I need to do this for you.”

And we don’t do that because we’re doing anything wrong.

We do it because we love them.
Because it’s hard to watch your child struggle.
To see them frustrated, upset, or unsure.

When my kids were little, I remember those moments so clearly!

They were struggling… and I wanted to jump in.
To save them...and honestly, to save myself too!

It would have been quicker.
Easier.

If I just tied the shoe, got us out the door,
and didn’t have to sit in the whining, the frustration, the struggle.

But the reality is, if I had done that every time,
I would have taken away the exact thing they needed.

The chance to try.
To struggle.
To figure it out.

And now… my kids are young adults.

And it’s still hard not to jump in.

Only now it’s not about shoes.

It’s jobs.
Injuries.
Relationships.

The struggles are bigger.
The stakes feel higher.

And that same pull is still there...to fix it, to step in, to make it easier.

But what I know now is this:

Those early moments mattered.

Sitting with them in the small struggles
is what helped build the ability to handle the bigger ones (for them and for me)

Not perfectly.
Not without support.

But with more confidence…and a belief that they can get through hard things. 

But what if we shifted the message?

What if instead we taught:

“All feelings are okay.”
“And you can learn how to handle them.”

What if confidence wasn’t something we gave our kids……but something we allowed them to build?

That means:

Giving them permission to feel mad...and staying with them while they do
Letting them struggle...without immediately stepping in
Allowing them try, fail, and try again

And trusting:

“They can handle this.”

Our role isn’t to do it for them.
It’s to show them how.

To sit with them.
To guide when needed.
To hold the boundary and the belief at the same time.

Because real confidence is built in those moments.

And it starts when they are young…

Toddlers.
Young children.

This is where it begins.

Letting them make choices (within limits).
Letting them try...and not always get it right.
Letting them feel disappointed, frustrated, even mad.

And staying with them in it.

Not fixing it.
Not rushing it away.

But saying:

“I see you.”
“That was hard.”
“You’re allowed to feel that.”

And then…

“When you’re ready, I’m here.”

Because confidence isn’t built by avoiding hard moments.
It’s built by moving through them....without resucuring and without minimizing!

3 Things You Can Do Right Now

1. Pause before you jump in
The next time your child is struggling, give yourself a moment.
Ask yourself: “Do they need me to fix this… or support them through it?”
Often, less doing = more learning.

2. Validate the feeling, not the escape
Stay with the emotion instead of trying to make it go away.
“I see this is really frustrating.”
“You’re having a hard time.”
That alone builds safety and trust.

3. Offer support without taking over
Instead of doing it for them, try:
“I’m here if you need help.”
“Show me what you’ve tried.”
“What could you do next?”

4. Model it, then hand it back
Let your child see how you handle frustration or mistakes.
Then give them the chance to try:
“You try...I’m right here.”

This is where confidence grows...through experience, not perfection!

If you’re reading this and realizing you haven’t been doing this… it’s okay.

Truly.

You were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time...and that matters.

And now you know something different.

So we start here.

We don’t need to be perfect.

We just need to be willing to shift.

Little by little. Moment by moment.

Because we do better when we know better.

And if you’re feeling stuck or unsure how to make that shift… you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Reach out. I’m here to support you.

With warmth,
Kirsten Nichter, MSEd
Certified Jai Parent Coach & Certified Positive Discipline Educator

If you need support on your parenting journey, reach out for a free connection call 💗

https://www.connectionsparentcoaching.com/

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