I'm writing today because writing helps me process my feelings.
And right now, I'm sad for so many reasons.
Like so many people in our community, my heart is sad hearing about the little boy who lost his life. I didn't know him or his family personally, but it's impossible not to feel heartbroken.
When something like this happens, it reminds us how precious life is. It reminds us how quickly everything can change and the very real fact, that behind every news stories are real humans.
In these moments we often try and make sense of why it happened, We ask why, we try to problem solve and figure it out. When we are searching for the answers those questions and comments can often come across as judgments, especially on social media.
A sweet mom I work with shared today how hard it is to read those comments because she, too, has a wonderful little boy with special needs. He can wander. He's incredibly curious. He's an amazing little problem solver... and he's so very quick.
My heart broke for her, too.
I work with so many families who live with the constant worry of fear and judgment. That is a heavy burden to carry on top of caring for a child with special needs who, because of everything that makes them wonderfully unique, may simply need a little more support.
I have families who stop going to family functions.
Who avoid grocery shopping.
Who skip parks and community events.
Not because they don't want to go, but because they're afraid of the looks from others, the comments, and the assumptions.
They live in fear of "what if" their child has a hard moment in public, or doesn't behave the way they "should"!
That makes me sad too!
And if I'm being honest, it also brings me back to one of the scariest moments I had as a parent.
My daughter, who is neurotypical and doesn't have any medical or developmental needs, wandered away from us for a brief moment at Disney...I still remember the panic, those few moments felt like an eternity.
It can happen to any of us.
Some children are naturally curious. Some are fast. Some are impulsive. Some wander because of developmental or medical differences. And sometimes children simply do what children do.
That doesn't mean we stop trying to keep them safe. Of course we do. We learn, we grow, we put supports in place, and we do the best we can.
But I also know there isn't a parent alive who has done everything perfectly every single moment of every single day. (Often we are very aware before someone points it out, I know I was)
Every family deserves to feel like they belong in their community. Every parent deserves compassion instead of assumptions. Every child deserves to experience life without their family carrying the weight of everyone else's opinions.
I know this from personal experience...
As a parent of a child with medical needs, I received plenty of opinions about what I should be doing differently. Looking back, there are definitely things I would do differently now that I know what I know today, however I believe that is true for any parent. I try to give myself grace in those moments and remember that I was carrying a lot at that moment.
What helped me wasn't criticism and it wasn't someone pointing out what I could have done better.
It was the people who listened without judgment.
The people who reminded me I wasn't alone and encouraged me and asked me what I needed.
The people who saw my heart before they evaluated my parenting.
That's what families remember.
That's what helps people heal.
Even if you didn't know this family personally, tragedies like this can weigh heavily on our hearts. I can only imagine how incredibly difficult this is for everyone who loved this little boy and for those who were part of his community.
When we feel helpless, I encourage you to put your energy toward something that brings a little more kindness into the world...
❤️ Give someone a genuine compliment.
❤️ Reach out to a friend or neighbor.
❤️ Hug your kids and the people you love a little tighter.
❤️ Practice gratitude for the simple things we often take for granted.
❤️ Choose compassion over judgment.
We can't change what has happened, but we can choose how we respond.
And the next time you see a parent struggling in public, choose compassion before criticism, you don't know what they are trying to figure out today.
None of us does.Today, my thoughts are with a family whose lives have been changed forever.
May they be surrounded by love instead of judgment, support instead of blame, and kindness instead of assumptions.
Today, I'm choosing love, kindness, and gratitude. My heart is with this family and everyone whose lives have been forever changed. 💙
Because that's what every family deserves.
~Kirsten
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