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Why I encouraged my kids to play sports...
A lot of people ask my why I encouraged my kids to play sports?
Many people assume it's because I love sports.
And they're right...
I do.
They assume it's because I played in college.
Or because I wanted my kids to become Division I athletes.
Or because I wanted them to be the best.
But the truth is...
It was never about any of that.
As a former two-sport college athlete, coach, teacher, and now mom, my reasons have very little to do with winning, trophies, or highlight reels.
They've always been about who my children are becoming.
But if I'm being honest, my journey wasn't smooth.
I made plenty of mistakes.
I lost...a lot.
I had incredible coaches, and I had coaches that taught me exactly who I never wanted to become.
There were seasons when I questioned myself, games I wish I could play over, and moments that felt really hard.
Looking back now, those are actually the moments that taught me the most.
They taught me resilience.
They taught me humility.
They taught me how to keep showing up when things didn't go my way.
They taught me how to work with people who were different than me.
They taught me that failure isn't the opposite of success...it's often where growth begins.
So yes i love sports and especially love youth sports.
but I am not always a huge fan of what I'm seeing in youth sports today.
When I reflect back on my experience and that of my own children I remember the moments that were meaningful...
It wasn't the wins.
It wasn't the championships.
It wasn't the statistics.
It wasn't even being successful.
What made those years so incredible was who I became because of them, what I learned about myself, and the people I met and the friendships I created along the way.
Sports gave me opportunities to fail...
To get back up.
To lead and to follow.
To win with humility and lose with grace.
To keep commitments even when things got hard.
And to discover who I was becoming.
Somewhere along the way, I think we've started focusing on the wrong things.
We're asking children to do more...
Earlier...Better.
We have kids lifting weights before they've developed the muscles to support it.
We're teaching complex skills before their brains understand the motor planning behind them.
We're asking young athletes to run complicated plays before they've developed the attention, flexibility, and problem-solving skills that make those plays possible.
In our rush to get ahead, we're often skipping over what is developmentally appropriate.
And in doing that, I think we're risking something much bigger than wins.
We risk stealing the joy.
We risk losing the love of the game.
(Just my opinion.)
So...What's Really the Goal?
Here's the reality.
The chances of your child becoming a professional athlete are incredibly small. In fact, fewer than 2% of NCAA athletes go on to play professionally, and in many sports it's less than 1%.
and
Very few high school athletes play in college. About 6% of high school varsity athletes go on to compete in college athletics (NCAA, NAIA, or junior college).
So if most of our kids aren't going pro...
Then what is the point?
Why are we spending countless hours driving to practices, traveling every weekend, investing thousands of dollars, rearranging our schedules, and sitting in lawn chairs for hours?
I don't think it's because we're raising professional athletes.
I think we're raising future adults.
And youth sports happen to be one of the greatest classrooms they'll ever have.
They're Learning So Much More Than the Sport
When your child steps onto the field, they're obviously learning the skills of the game.
But that's the least interesting part to me....what fascinates me is everything else they're learning.
They're learning emotional regulation when they strike out, miss the shot, make a mistake in front of everyone, lose the game, or don't get the playing time they hoped for.
They're learning cognitive flexibility when the coach changes positions, when the game plan changes, or when life doesn't go the way they expected.
They're learning problem-solving every time something doesn't work and they have to figure out another way.
They're learning communication as they navigate teammates, coaches, disagreements, encouragement, feedback, and leadership.
They're strengthening attention, focus, organization, planning, working memory, and impulse control every single practice.
They're learning perseverance every time they decide to keep going even though something feels really hard.
These are executive functioning skills....these are life skills!
These are the exact skills that help our kids become successful students, employees, spouses, parents, friends, and human beings.
And the beautiful thing is...they're learning them in a place they love.
But Here's the Part We Don't Talk About Enough...
Parents...
You're learning those same skills right alongside them.
Because we love them and want to the best for them we often can get caught up right alongside them or with a friend sitting next to us, I know I have! We know our kids potential, what they are capable of and we so bad want them to show the world!
AND this is their journey, our job is support them on their path not do it for them... you know that feeling where you want to throw up watching them... yup thats where these skills matter so much for you as the parent.
Every game is an opportunity for your child to practice emotional regulation AND also an opportunity for you to practice emotional regulation.
When the referee makes a call you don't agree with, when your child isn't getting the playing time you think they deserve, hen another parent says something that gets under your skin, when your child comes off the field upset...
When your emotions start running high...
How do you respond? Can you pause? Can you regulate your own nervous system before reacting? Can you stay curious instead of jumping to conclusions? Can you solve problems instead of blaming? Can you communicate in a way that reflects your values?
Because here's the thing...
Our kids are watching.
Long before they remember the score of the game, they'll remember how the adults they loved handled themselves when things didn't go their way.
What You Focus On Matters (This isn't just for parents. It's for coaches, teachers, and administrators too.)
What you choose to focus on today matters.
It shapes your relationship with your child today, and it helps shape who they become tomorrow.
The conversations after practice, the car rides home ,your comments from the sidelines.
How you respond when they make a mistake (because they will...lots of them).
In every one of those moments, we're teaching something.
Are we teaching accountability...
Or excuses?
Responsibility...
Or blame?
To embrace challenges...
Or avoid hard things?
To stay curious...
Or become defensive?
To focus on learning...
Or only on winning?
And maybe most importantly...
Are we teaching them that their worth depends on their performance?
Or are we showing them they are loved, valued, and supported...even on their hardest days?
Because winning isn't the only goal.
Learning is.
Growth is.
Character is.
I tell the families I coach all the time that I honestly don't care if their child becomes a Division I athlete.
In fact, I believe the less we focus on getting there and the more we focus on becoming a coachable athlete, a great teammate, and someone who loves to learn, the greater the opportunity becomes. Those are the qualities coaches at every level are looking for.
What I care about is raising someone who knows how to regulate their emotions, solve problems, communicate respectfully, work as part of a team, and keep going when life gets hard.
Those skills will serve them far longer than any trophy ever will.
And Here's the Deal...
You don't have to do this perfectly, I know I haven't! AND if you are human you wont either and that is ok!
I've gotten caught up in the emotions, I've said things I wish I could take back, I've focused too much on the outcome instead of the learning.
I've walked away from games thinking, "I wish I would've handled that differently."
But that's okay.
Because we're learning too.
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children isn't being perfect. It's letting them see what growth looks like. It's going back.
It's saying, "I've been thinking about yesterday, and I wish I had handled that conversation differently."
It's taking accountability, It's apologizing. It's showing them that making mistakes isn't the problem, staying stuck in them is. Doing the same thing over and over that is not working in life and on the filed!
Every time we reflect, repair, and try again, we're modeling exactly what we hope they'll someday do in their own relationships and on the field!
So maybe youth sports aren't about raising the best athlete.
Maybe they're about raising a resilient, kind, accountable human being.
And maybe they're helping us become one too.
Because someday the games will end.
The uniforms will be put away.
The trophies will collect dust...
But emotional regulation...
resilience...
communication...
accountability...
Those are the things that last.
I also want to thank everyone who has been part of my own journey.
My coaches, my teammates, my competitors, the people who believed in me...And even the ones who challenged me.
Some taught me what to do...and others taught me what not to do.
Every one of them shaped me in some way, and for that I'm incredibly grateful.
I know I still have more to learn.
My hope for your child isn't that they become the best athlete on the field.
My hope is that they discover who they are.
That they learn how to work hard.
How to lose with grace.
How to win with humility.
How to handle disappointment.
How to lead.
How to follow.
How to take accountability.
How to get back up after they fall.
How to be a great teammate.
How to become someone people want beside them...in sports and in life.
Because someday the games will end, the uniforms will be packed away, the trophies will collect dust.
But who they become...that lasts forever. Sports didn't just shape the athlete I became. They shaped the wife, mom, coach, teacher, and person I am today.
Maybe that's why I care so much about teaching executive functioning and emotional regulation today.
I've lived the power of those skills.
Sports gave me countless opportunities to practice them.
Now I have the privilege of helping children and families build those same skills—whether they're on a field, in a classroom, or around the dinner table.
Because in the end, it was never really about the sport.
It was always about preparing kids for life.
Kirsten Nichter, MSed
Certified Jai Parent Coach & Certified Positive Discipline Educator
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